Roflz Twitter List by Delicatesa on Listorious

Ellen DeGeneres

Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

11,416,569 followers | Follow

Conan O'Brien

The voice of the people. Sorry, people.

5,719,938 followers | Follow

Stephen Colbert

3,476,658 followers | Follow

Al Yankovic

You know... the Eat It guy.

2,544,270 followers | Follow

Alan Carr

Stand up comedian and TV presenter. My Spexy Beast DVD is out now! http://bitly.com/SpexyBeast

2,365,895 followers | Follow

TextsFromLastNight

remember that text that you shouldn't have sent last night? we do... send your TFLN to 76843

1,940,989 followers | Follow

Paul Feig

Paul is a guy who wears suits and tries not to screw things up. He also created Freaks and Geeks. Oh yeah, and just directed Bridesmaids.

1,241,615 followers | Follow

Jason Sweeney

limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.

1,145,930 followers | Follow

BestAt: The Best @'s

Retweeting the funniest tweets since 2008. A 'Best Of Twitter' list from the best @'s. An @JoeLaz production.

1,018,399 followers | Follow

Michele Catalano

I write about hockey (and other sports) here: http://americanmccarver.com Long Island. Freelance writer looking for work.

939,205 followers | Follow

Tim Siedell

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

588,455 followers | Follow

Jesus Christ

Carpenter, Healer, God

485,921 followers | Follow

rob delaney

Comedian,Writer, 6'3 217lbs

421,640 followers | Follow

Alec Sulkin

Breaker of Swift Mustache Hairs

391,993 followers | Follow

Fake AP Stylebook

Style tips for proper writing. contact: fakeapstylebook at gmail dot com. No submissions, please. All material copyright The Bureau Chiefs, LLC.

285,995 followers | Follow

Andy Borowitz

There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.

243,999 followers | Follow

Sandra Bernhard

Comedian, Actress, Author, Personality, Singer

167,231 followers | Follow

David Thorne

Amongst my qualities, which include reciting prime numbers backwards from 90956, reading to blind children & training seals, embellishment may be at the top.

133,818 followers | Follow

caprice crane

Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer

121,858 followers | Follow

Chelsea Peretti

Creator of Seinfeld, Founder of LinkedIn. 10 time champ of Showtime At The Apollo

104,740 followers | Follow

Интересно Всем

Продлеваю жизнь. Вправляю мозги. Рекламы нет. VK: http://vk.com/interesnovsem FB: http://www.facebook.com/interesnovsem G+: http://gplus.to/interesnovsem

93,965 followers | Follow

shelby fero

I'm not too crazy about me either.

71,520 followers | Follow

Julius Sharpe

Writer for Family Guy on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.

71,416 followers | Follow

Slashleen

I have a tattoo of a potato to represent my love of carbs. http://www.witstream.com/#kathleen_oIhurley

64,654 followers | Follow

Artie Johann

Writer for Family Guy. Stares at sun. Eats most objects.

58,664 followers | Follow

lauren caltagirone

I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!

55,306 followers | Follow

Damien Fahey

tv, radio host. comedy writer. improv & standup. staff writer for http://www.someecards.com. writes fake news at http://www.damienfahey.tumblr.com

52,739 followers | Follow

BOBBY HUNDREDS

Co-Owner / Creative Director, The Hundreds. Illustrator, Photographer, Writer, Designer. I do a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing.

51,141 followers | Follow

Nic Robertson

CNN Senior International Correspondent

46,574 followers | Follow

Joshua Allen

cockblocking beats

43,493 followers | Follow

Laura Silverman

As an optimist, I believe in living life to the half fullest.

39,787 followers | Follow

Paul

PC Tech and consultant...Security Dude...Plus I am brightening your day with some recycled jokes...like a DJ but for jokes

36,488 followers | Follow

Josh Hara

I'm just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.

36,230 followers | Follow

matt

twitter user

34,331 followers | Follow

MJ

I'm in a band with my dog. He barks while I eat Cheetos. It's indie, you wouldn't get it. and I'm married.

29,055 followers | Follow

Niki

I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

28,712 followers | Follow

Clarke Kant

I'm all for saving the world, just not necessarily the people. Now available on Witstream.com!

27,929 followers | Follow

Ashley Long

My boomerang never does what it's suppose to do.

25,097 followers | Follow

Sleep Talkin' Man

My mild-mannered husband lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams.

24,400 followers | Follow

Craig S.

McGriddle Enthusiast,Once Was Forced To Sit Through 'CATS' With Poopy Underwear. RESPECT THIS PINK TOWEL!*BEEP BOOP*

23,338 followers | Follow

donni

Comedy sandwich. Writer, riffer, fledgling opener, openly miked. Host of TwitTalkers (http://twittalkers.com). Only wrestles sea cows seasonally.

22,388 followers | Follow

Squirt Russell

Smut writer & alien astronaut theorist. I like booze, John Candy & breakfast.

21,541 followers | Follow

Dan Cronin

Writer, Conan on TBS; guy who puts pint glasses in the freezer.

21,173 followers | Follow

Shari Vanderwerf

Stand-up comedian/writer. My husband complains that I over share on Twitter. Clearly, his hemorrhoids are just making him cranky.

19,671 followers | Follow

Mark Leggett

You can tell a lot about a person by reading their bio.

19,356 followers | Follow

FakeYahooNews

We make shit up!

19,049 followers | Follow

Stephanie

I was born with a tail! If I had been born in India, I would have been worshiped, instead of having it cut off and scorned as a genetic freak. J/K

18,083 followers | Follow

Jane

I'm sorry if I offend you. For those that I don't, I will try a little harder.

17,729 followers | Follow

Jason Mustian

Hello! Do you like some things, yet dislike other things? HI! ®

17,539 followers | Follow

Josh Comers

Comedian. Writer. Punching bag.

16,649 followers | Follow

David R Jennings

David is owner of Bauart Creative Services, a provider of print, broadcast, web design, e-media and photography. Sometimes he's funny.

15,823 followers | Follow

Hormonella, damn it!

My body is not my temple. It's more like my bar and grill.

15,801 followers | Follow

ruthakers

I had kids. So you didn't have to.

15,623 followers | Follow

Santa Claus

I deliver 2 billion presents in one night to a bunch of shithead kids. I'm having a beer.

15,597 followers | Follow

Travis Bowe

Writer, Family Guy

15,588 followers | Follow

Jokes Tweet

Bringing you funny jokes

15,453 followers | Follow

Uncle Dynamite

I gave you Benny and the Jets. You gave me Kiss Alive II.

15,378 followers | Follow

Rex Huppke

A guy who writes stuff for money. Huge fan of hypocrisy. Also available on http://www.witstream.com.

14,445 followers | Follow

Влад Киримов

Самый комфортный SMM-подрядчик в России (обращайтесь;) // Первый в России, кто назвал айпэд айпадом // (965)253-2421, nuzgul@nuzgul.ru

13,016 followers | Follow

lafix

Well groomed anarchist.

12,988 followers | Follow

Andrés du Bouchet

Comedian, actor, staff writer for CONAN.

12,933 followers | Follow

SlappNuttz

I'm the guy that your Mom and Dad approved of, but you still wanted to fuck.

12,615 followers | Follow

newmoticons

by @ryder_ripps

12,395 followers | Follow

RUSSIANSinUK

We organize Russian events in London, Parties, Networking events and general chatter

12,169 followers | Follow

Will Kane

You shut your mouth when you're talking to me

11,333 followers | Follow

Adam Koford

Cartoonist.

11,007 followers | Follow

The Bosha

Get off my lawn.

10,859 followers | Follow

Adam Juskewitch

Every night I steal the little gnome figurine from my neighbor's yard and replace it with a gnome that's identical but one inch taller.

10,703 followers | Follow

Jill Morris

Onion, Nickelodeon, Someecards, McSweeneys, WitStream, Author: http://amzn.to/lHPzjH Creator: http://PleaseFireMe.com & @PleaseFireMe. Me: http://bit.ly/mvlslQ

10,602 followers | Follow

designersays

When coworkers piss me off, I start sending them very serious work-related emails with a blank subject line. Don't fuck with me.

10,151 followers | Follow

RoughDiction

I'm pretty exited about you reading this.

10,052 followers | Follow

tackie_jackie

Took a weird-ass turn and ended up here.

8,924 followers | Follow

Noah Gray

Senior editor at Nature. I read about neuroscience. These thoughts are mine alone since nobody else will take responsibility.

8,904 followers | Follow

Michael Pierce

I own a Professional Sports Franchise. Don't feel intimidated though, I never think of myself as better than you just because of my Fantasy Football Team.

8,176 followers | Follow

iamnotdiddy™

Aspiring daddy blogger.

8,118 followers | Follow

Chris Regan

NOTED HUMORIST

7,982 followers | Follow

Jonathan Sloan

The size of my fist is directly proportional to the object it's holding.

7,855 followers | Follow

Ben Brooks

Comic, musician, writer, father & student. I write jokes and non-jokes. If that scares you, don't follow. http://www.witstream.com.

7,683 followers | Follow

Paul Danke

Stand up comedian, loud mouthed idiot and stay at home hottie. also these @thecomedygarage @compatish

7,629 followers | Follow

Candy Crisis

I do a really good impersonation of a Fugu fish crashing against a window at high speed.

7,434 followers | Follow

Doctor Zaius

Just another misanthropic orangutan from the future forced to twitter by court order to learn how 'intelligent' and 'evolved' humans are

7,368 followers | Follow

Joe Schmitt

the second T is silent

7,292 followers | Follow

Jake Weisman

fear of intimacy. and fear of clowns. and really intimate clowns.

7,102 followers | Follow

Christian Duguay

Dad. Comedian. Writer. Executive Producer of Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory and Ridiculousness on MTV.

6,822 followers | Follow

Shira

Improviser. Upright Citizens Brigade. Pittsburgh sports fan. Often opprobrious. More bounce to the ounce. Contributor to WitStream and @TheFakeCNN.

6,767 followers | Follow

Beth

You should be getting me a drink now.

6,699 followers | Follow

J Lee

Writer for The Cleveland Show on FOX. Black guy.

5,952 followers | Follow

SeoulBrother

Half Seoul. All Brother. Part of the AmericanDrink.net crew.

5,944 followers | Follow

Debbie Winkler Estes

mom,grandmom,gardener, APA and VNEA pool player, animal lover,sports fanatic, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Missing-William-F-DiSilvestro-IV-Billy-D/21108232561

5,871 followers | Follow

Jeni Scagnetti

In the history of language the first obscenity was silence.

5,800 followers | Follow

Snark Toast

Mostly charmless

5,727 followers | Follow

Miss_Cook

If I fit my entire life bio into one line, I'm never gonna get that book deal. Boobies.

5,722 followers | Follow

Colin McCormick

I tell jokes to microphones. As far as I know, I'm still relatively sane.

5,699 followers | Follow

Harold Busch

I'll be the (flavored) wind beneath your wings

5,697 followers | Follow

Sean Murray

TV promo guy. Try to do everything in life in 30 seconds or less, much to my wife's disappointment.

5,619 followers | Follow

juicymorsel

No biting. This rule is for your protection.

5,537 followers | Follow

Spencer Porter

Writing stuff for In Living Color. Written stuff for Family Guy. http://favstar.fm/users/porters

5,457 followers | Follow

Joel Ingersoll

I get up and I put on pants.

5,312 followers | Follow

Lawson Clarke

Named one of Top Five Ad Agency Twitter Accounts To Follow by Digiday, and Greatest Dick Puller Ever by DListed. Look it up.

5,054 followers | Follow

Soap Box Liberal

Don't believe everything you read.

5,006 followers | Follow

yer joking

If you can't take a joke, don't follow me. ;-) If you have a joke, send it to me.

4,938 followers | Follow

Alice

beastly

4,894 followers | Follow

nice dream

i am a terrible storyteller.

4,784 followers | Follow

duty

certified bullshit technician. psssst...these are jokes, dummies.

4,755 followers | Follow

Brent Something

If this was your Twitter bio you'd be home by now.

4,733 followers | Follow

Nibbles Spalanzani

Votre ensoleillement faible.

4,670 followers | Follow

Wade

As seen in the audience of many 1990s talk shows.

4,345 followers | Follow

Clayton Cubitt

I make pretty pictures that solve problems by selling ideas.

4,323 followers | Follow

jason

art.art.art.dork.art.

4,244 followers | Follow

Jess

Retired dancer, aspiring author, new mom, all-around fucking badass. I make mischiefs and shenanigans (and babies!) with @GorillaSushi.

4,186 followers | Follow

best girl betty

sour cream and onion glitter

4,173 followers | Follow

Chris Velazquez

Screenwriter. Los Angeles. Ever heard of Lawrence Of Arabia? That wasn't me. Also the commissioner of retrobaseball.tumblr.com

4,141 followers | Follow

Indefensible

I wouldn't read this. Especially if you know me. The opinions are my own, and the jokes are terrible.

4,140 followers | Follow

❑ Remiel

Torn between health and wellness or wealth and hellness. Homeless on purpose. Also Remiel on Instagram.

4,079 followers | Follow

Jonas Polsky

Comedy Writer & Essayist

4,048 followers | Follow

notorious d.e.b.

Just another cute and sexy genius.

4,030 followers | Follow

Finn Kankainen

You crazy skirt, nobody backs out on fake good Moe.

3,903 followers | Follow

Dave

Anointed in the Gum of St. Xanthan. Faster. Stronger. Thicker. (Note: Views posted here are my own and have nothing to do with where I work.)

3,885 followers | Follow

M

Club sandwiches, not seals.

3,795 followers | Follow

Brian Bolter

A familiar mug who is nonetheless a mystery. - The Washington Post

3,668 followers | Follow

Jane

She's come undone.

3,645 followers | Follow

Mike Desilets

3,413 followers | Follow

Stephen

This stream of consciousness has been brought to you by heavy doses of RedBull, Starbucks and sarcasm from The Chosen people.

3,405 followers | Follow

Debby B.

I have 2 kids and a husband. What's your excuse?

3,400 followers | Follow

Peter

If you believe any of this you're probably in the wrong Facebook.

3,389 followers | Follow

Luke in hellondon

Making orphans and single mothers feel better about their predicament for over 10 years.

3,359 followers | Follow

Corey Hinds

I like to say stuff.

3,278 followers | Follow

Your mother

Don't bother me, I'm high. ~.~ #TeamTaints

3,265 followers | Follow

poop finger

attn: midgets, religious folk, fatties, other weird fuckers & cops: i say mean things. there's yer disclaimer. fuckititude aplenty.

3,184 followers | Follow

Pantse Macabre

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs, blown up for Racquel Welch.

3,141 followers | Follow

Savvin Ivan

3,090 followers | Follow

Mark Mulkerron

Fuck this.

3,089 followers | Follow

Essex Mortimer Dogg

Father. Husband. Author of The Groom's Instruction Manual. Web nerd. Professional sarcasticater.

3,003 followers | Follow

Говорят дети

Детские высказывания

2,977 followers | Follow

angela black

I have freckles. I use them to write words and make magic for the fine folks @carbonmade.

2,890 followers | Follow

Mike Pomranz

Tosh.0 blogger. World Blanket frontman. Rich beyond belief. **** Stream the new World Blanket album: http://open.spotify.com/album/5YKVn0vBBNbxbUzpbZ3b2h

2,851 followers | Follow

John

A writer from Dallas looking for a place to hang his hat. Are YOU that hat? More at TheJohnBlog.com, or listen to me at http://bit.ly/ISoundlikeamuppet

2,838 followers | Follow

Dan Gill

2,817 followers | Follow

Nikka

I'm Cassanova with boobs. EOE.

2,809 followers | Follow

Joelle Boucai

I'm 30-something, single and underemployed. I'm not bitter, I just like my vodka with lemon. Also, I'm a writer and stand-up.

2,739 followers | Follow

Joe Borden

amateur competitive eater. writer for tosh.0. shitty husband to @michellevborden

2,726 followers | Follow

I am not telling

wordy thought string maker

2,707 followers | Follow

Jane 0751750

What you probably want from me is less context.

2,625 followers | Follow

unicode faces

timb + brittag

2,517 followers | Follow

richmckay

I was born, never really learned to dance properly, never got over that stage where you can freely wear capes without people questioning you, and then it's now.

2,511 followers | Follow

@tnylgn

come back they said. tweet they said. it'll be fun they said.

2,466 followers | Follow

Rachael Kathryn

I'm not diggin' the dancin' queen :(

2,432 followers | Follow

Toya

If you would like to buy the girl in my avatar a drink, please get in line.

2,257 followers | Follow

Theo Tsecouras

I'm not a native speaker and it snows.

2,139 followers | Follow

ihatemytv

This place smells like vomit

2,104 followers | Follow

Bobby B

King of all douche bags

2,091 followers | Follow

Steven Bonisteel

Internet idiot savant (but without the 'savant' part). LEGAL DISCLAIMER: My avatar shows *none* of my gray hairs.

1,953 followers | Follow

amuirin

chortling moonbat

1,949 followers | Follow

Dustin

I'm a soon-to-be ex-car salesman. I'm a lot like your crazy uncle, minus the inappropriate touching.

1,891 followers | Follow

Josh S

http://favstar.fm/users/jorshuwah

1,866 followers | Follow

Tom McMahon

Hidden Champion of the 21st Century

1,863 followers | Follow

plushy lady

I like..being followed,permanently being in love,chatting,emotions.yoga.law.photography.cooking.bluemarine.English.Francais

1,804 followers | Follow

Mr. Blobert

thinking man's tweeter

1,803 followers | Follow

PicIsUnrelated

WTF Pictures & Videos

1,800 followers | Follow

Forex Money

1,765 followers | Follow

Kay Morgan

I'm on Twitter

1,676 followers | Follow

Karianne Smith

Sexy, sarcastic, negative creep. I probably don't like you.

1,674 followers | Follow

Essentially Me

Enjoys lunges and squats.

1,590 followers | Follow

Morgan

Please to put back in tomb.

1,569 followers | Follow

Glen

I am bearded, vegetarian, and wear many hats.

1,550 followers | Follow

Penbleth

Not making sense, one word at a time: http://favstar.fm/users/penbleth Life with a kid with Autism: http://penbleth.co.uk More nonsense: http://penbleth.com

1,426 followers | Follow