Humor

Conan O'Brien

The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
5,731,514 followers |

Chelsea Handler

Comedian, TV personality and Author Chelsea Handler hosts The Chelsea Lately Show on E!
4,914,897 followers |

Funny Or Die

We make funny videos with famous people. Will Ferrell is our boss. We like to laugh and watch kittens do adorable people things.
3,947,208 followers |

The Onion

America's Finest News Source. Follow @OnionPolitics for the latest War For The White House election coverage. Also http://facebook.com/theonion
3,805,450 followers |

Stephen Colbert

3,482,473 followers |

Neil Patrick Harris

I act some. Dig variety acts, Pixar, puppets, theme parks and great meals.
3,440,000 followers |

Justin

Author of Shit My Dad Says and, coming May 15th, my new book I Suck At Girls. My dad's in it, don't worry. This account is where I publish the shit that he says
3,047,058 followers |

Dane Cook

When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
2,824,860 followers |

Steve Martin

I am Steve Martin, the actor, writer, comedian, and musician.In banjo touring world until September 1st. Check Stevemartin.com for tour dates.
2,694,476 followers |

The Dark Lord

Running around leaving scars, collecting my jar of hearts and tearing love apart... lv7thinks@gmail.com
2,217,289 followers |

Funny Tweets

I'm an actor/comedian. #contact autocorrectworld@gmail.com
1,997,754 followers |

John Cleese

Yes, I am still indeed alive, contrary to rumour, and I am touring my one Cleese show
1,947,783 followers |

TextsFromLastNight

remember that text that you shouldn't have sent last night? we do... send your TFLN to 76843
1,946,078 followers |

Men's Humor

Humorous tweets tailored for men. Advertising: advertise@menshumor.com Submit jokes: Contact@menshumor.com
1,853,616 followers |

Michael Ian Black

Magician of the heart.
1,745,747 followers |

Cheezburger

All your funny in one place.
1,587,933 followers |

rob corddry

I am a gentleman
1,398,960 followers |

Jason Sweeney

limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.
1,145,833 followers |

Jim Gaffigan

Husband to hot wife, father of 4, comedian, actor, writer, former sleeper Mr. Universe avail NOW at JimGaffigan.com $5
1,067,627 followers |

BestAt: The Best @'s

Retweeting the funniest tweets since 2008. A 'Best Of Twitter' list from the best @'s. An @JoeLaz production.
1,018,189 followers |

Homer J. Simpson

Official Twitter for Homer Simpson
723,739 followers |

Tim Siedell

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
588,573 followers |

Cracked.com

America's only humor website.
518,467 followers |

Not Will Ferrell

Here to make you laugh! I am not Will Ferrell. Fan/Parody account. No affiliation with actor Will Ferrell. Contact: (itsWillyFerrell@gmail.com)
502,656 followers |

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Astrophysicist, American Museum of Natural History. Author: Space Chronicle, The Pluto Files,. Host: StarTalk Radio http://StarTalkRadio.net
488,719 followers |

Jesus Christ

Carpenter, Healer, God
487,042 followers |

Jesus Christ

You know who I am. If not, google me bitches. jmchrist2012@yahoo.com (for the boobs)
477,252 followers |

Funny One Liners

One liners..ReTweets..The best of the old and the new humor compiled in one place.
464,046 followers |

rob delaney

Comedian,Writer, 6'3 217lbs
422,680 followers |

Mo Rocca

420,621 followers |

→Hιlαяισυs TwєєTs™♥

I heard you are a player, nice to meet you I'm the coach [Do Not Judge Me From One TweeT] *funnyordie* Email: Tweeting@consultant.com
417,103 followers |

Darth Vader

Evil Orphan Annie™
409,467 followers |

Barney Stinson

The Official Twitter Page of Barney Stinson
399,482 followers |

NowReport

Follow breaking news as it happens.
374,731 followers |

kelly oxford

Writer. Designed to make you feel like everything is going well. I am your Perestroika.
352,069 followers |

Rob Huebel

I give medicinal cocaine to baby animals
334,037 followers |

Fake AP Stylebook

Style tips for proper writing. contact: fakeapstylebook at gmail dot com. No submissions, please. All material copyright The Bureau Chiefs, LLC.
286,286 followers |

Helen Keller

Follow At Own Risk: I tend to wander.... [thehkeller@gmail.com]
260,244 followers |

Andy Borowitz

There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.
244,614 followers |

TheBloggess

I have friends in spite of myself.
239,291 followers |

Alison Agosti

Writer. From that boring, middle-class upbringing that everyone has been talking about.
230,925 followers |

Megan Amram

it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom
226,390 followers |

Chuck Norriz

kicks ass
217,364 followers |

Not Gary Busey

I'm the patron saint of headbutts and parody accounts.
216,537 followers |

The Sklar Brothers

This is the official twitter page of comedians, Randy and Jason Sklar. We have a new TV show called The United Stats of America on History 10pm Tuesdays.
164,667 followers |

DRUNK HULK

REMEMBER! WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AND SEE ONE FOOTPRINTS! YOU KNOW THAT WHEN DRUNK HULK CARRY YOU! WWW.DRUNKHULK.COM!
158,304 followers |

Condescending Wonka

I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking...
150,386 followers |

Mind Blown

Follow me for your daily mind fucking. Retweet to share my thoughts with the world! MIND = BLOWN
137,492 followers |

Fail Whale

Hello. Fail Whale here to make you feel better about not being able to tweet... #TeamTwitterIssues
135,813 followers |

Mike Birbiglia

History always retweets itself.
135,606 followers |

Condescending Wonka

I'm condescending. That means I talk down to you. (Role-playing) Account Contact: OhWillyWonka@gmail.com
125,968 followers |

caprice crane

Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer
121,873 followers |

Chelsea Peretti

Creator of Seinfeld, Founder of LinkedIn. 10 time champ of Showtime At The Apollo
104,943 followers |

Bob Tzu

Duhism - The Impractical Wisdumb of Bob Tzu, the long-lost American cousin of Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu
93,726 followers |

Danny Zuker

Writer/Exec Producer on ABC's Modern Family.
86,243 followers |

Jordan Rubin

http://www.whosay.com/jordanrubin
84,346 followers |

zzzzz....Huh What?

Retweeting the funniest tweets since 2007. A 'Best Of Twitter' list from the best @'s.
82,113 followers |

NathansReality

〰 Follow, Retweet & Enjoy! 〰 [Facebook] → http://on.fb.me/FBNathansReality #TeamHabesha
75,078 followers |

Jon Friedman

You are my density. http://favstar.fm/users/friedmanjon
73,862 followers |

Alexander Nekrassov

Former troubleshooter for governments and multinationals. Now editing a satirical website. Occasionally comment on world affairs on the box and the wireless.
72,425 followers |

shelby fero

I'm not too crazy about me either.
71,584 followers |

Julius Sharpe

Writer for Family Guy on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.
71,574 followers |

Tyler Oakley

Professional fangirl, but don't take me too seriously. http://www.youtube.com/tyleroakley http://tyleroakley.tumblr.com/ http://www.facebook.com/thetyleroakley
64,701 followers |

Jelisa Castrodale

Writer for NBCSports.com and the just-launched msnNOW. I've learned a lot about life by making a mess of my own.
64,547 followers |

iTweetFunny™

I tweet funny one-liners, quotes, interesting facts and stuff that relates to your everyday life. Follow, Retweet & Have Fun! :D
47,093 followers |

@SarahJL

Always wacky, I went off the deep end and started doing standup. Husband teaches Improv and Standup. Follow @SarahJL for more of my personal updates :)
45,099 followers |

Greg Fitzsimmons

FITZDOG RADIO APP available on iphone, Android & Blackberry! Subscribe to the podcast @ FITZDOG.COM! Greg Fitzsimmons Show every Mon. on Sirius XM Howard 101
38,526 followers |

Josh Hara

I'm just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.
36,267 followers |

Gene Hunt

I am the Gene genie and I don't like scumbags. This account is not run by the BBC. Golden Twits Winner.
35,579 followers |

Funny Screw ツ

You like to laugh? Then why the hell you're not following me!? FOLLOW & enjoy having a dope Timeline.
33,250 followers |

Tremendous News!

Don't follow me if you're really-really smart. You know when your math teacher asked you to carry the 1? I still don't know what that means.
31,713 followers |

Tim Hawkins

If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at other people.
29,434 followers |

Brendon Walsh

Guess how many fingers I'm holding up my butt. www.brendonwalsh.com
28,965 followers |

Niki

I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.
28,839 followers |

awkwardfamilyphotos

28,108 followers |

Jack Mackenroth

Delusional, over-exposed G-lister. NSFAnyone. Generally horrid. I just slept with your dad and it was gross.
25,525 followers |

lauren ashley bishop

i'm a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. witstream.com please & thank you. www.favstar.fm/users/sbellelauren
24,435 followers |

molly

I hate my upstairs neighbor.
23,939 followers |

Craig S.

McGriddle Enthusiast,Once Was Forced To Sit Through 'CATS' With Poopy Underwear. RESPECT THIS PINK TOWEL!*BEEP BOOP*
23,345 followers |

donni

Comedy sandwich. Writer, riffer, fledgling opener, openly miked. Host of TwitTalkers (http://twittalkers.com). Only wrestles sea cows seasonally.
22,413 followers |

CJ Werleman

Author of 'God Hates You. Hate him Back' (Available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/God-Hates-Hate-Back-ebook/dp/B0037Z70H6/ )
21,707 followers |

Nick Genius

Do bee doo bee doo la la la la dun da dum da dum la la la la zim ba dam dum dum la la la
19,845 followers |

Tobias

Cat who enjoys sleeping, eating, playing with ping-pong ball (at 3:00AM), belly rubs and running water. I'm a lay-down comedian... don't do stand-up comedy.
19,481 followers |

E=mc²

Comedian, Writer, Rocket Scientist.
18,898 followers |

Sam Grittner

I tell jokes into voice amplifiers and enjoy other non-robots. I find the best glue to sniff is any. Writer. Comedian. Actor. Dude. www.Witstream.com
18,401 followers |

ruthakers

I had kids. So you didn't have to.
15,633 followers |

Rex Huppke

A guy who writes stuff for money. Huge fan of hypocrisy. Also available on http://www.witstream.com.
14,458 followers |

Chopper

Yeah, I really just said that…Get over it http://favstar.fm/users/chopper4jk
13,176 followers |

Tom Bodett

A name vaguely familiar to most Americans. Folksy Pitchman. // Obscure, slightly famous humorist... -NY Times // Random Customer
13,028 followers |

lafix

Well groomed anarchist.
12,992 followers |

Katrina Whipp

That's me in the corner. I kiss like a fish, but never cry like a lover.
11,919 followers |

Mark Campbell

Writer for hire. I tweet, so you don't have to. In fact, I tweet a lot. It's okay. I love you. But not as much as freezies. No siree. Now, boogie!
11,800 followers |

wheatnik

A staggering case of narcissism gone wrong. Still filterless after all these years. 73% of my tweets are about sex. 28% are about tv. 16% are about math.
11,306 followers |

JerryThomas

Nicer than a junk yard dog.
10,421 followers |

Emily

when i dip you dip we dip
10,253 followers |

designersays

When coworkers piss me off, I start sending them very serious work-related emails with a blank subject line. Don't fuck with me.
10,145 followers |

Adam Isacson

I work at the Washington Office on Latin America (my views here, not theirs). Work-related stuff at @adam_wola.
9,942 followers |

Josh Hopkins

father. husband. programmer. web designer. artist. geek. thinker. doer. founder of 40horse.com.
9,429 followers |

Matt Chandler

Intelligence, charm, ambition, integrity, work ethic, empathy... these are just a few of the qualities I lack.
9,201 followers |

Father Kelly

Disgruntled Catholic Priest. Seemed like a wise career choice at the time.
8,703 followers |

Theresa

I collect graduate degrees and complain about things.
8,482 followers |

Michael Pierce

I own a Professional Sports Franchise. Don't feel intimidated though, I never think of myself as better than you just because of my Fantasy Football Team.
8,176 followers |

iamnotdiddy™

Aspiring daddy blogger.
8,115 followers |

shauna

WitStream.com member and writer for hire. Loved by my husband, animals, expletives, and gay men the world over. If you had a favorite brazen hussy, I'd be it.
7,891 followers |

Jonathan Sloan

The size of my fist is directly proportional to the object it's holding.
7,853 followers |

Jaydi Samuels

My conversations are forced, so I know how rapists feel.
7,749 followers |

Ben Brooks

Comic, musician, writer, father & student. I write jokes and non-jokes. If that scares you, don't follow. http://www.witstream.com.
7,696 followers |

J. Adam Moore 

Software developer and the very first humorist on Twitter. My motto: If life were a race, I'd want to beat you to death.
7,405 followers |

Angela Helga

I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.
7,030 followers |

The Night Stalker

Writer, actor, cotton candy vendor, night stalker and killer tomato.
6,764 followers |

blondediva11

I enjoy breathing.
6,101 followers |

Matthew Dolkart

Writer and performer of turtle jokes. See also @thefakecnn
5,789 followers |

Stephanie

Hey, turtleface. Want a peanut? sprattacus [at] gmail
5,654 followers |

Bailey Siewert

I am very opinionated when it comes to murals.
5,601 followers |

Derek

I write because they won't let me play with the scissors anymore.
5,177 followers |

Matt_Dwyer

I am Matt Dwyer. I am a comedian/writer. I am pretty when wearing lipstick. Listen to Conversations with Matt Dwyer on itunes.
4,758 followers |

Leroy Smith

I'm the Michael Jordan of motivating Michael Jordan!
4,504 followers |

Ainsley Drew

not so good at fads
4,134 followers |

Chris Pinckney

Sorry about that last tweet.
4,106 followers |

Jonas Polsky

Comedy Writer & Essayist
4,047 followers |

notorious d.e.b.

Just another cute and sexy genius.
4,028 followers |

Tiffany

Misunderstood Southern belle.
3,609 followers |

dudi sharon

I wish I had the ability to read my own mind.
3,515 followers |

Kaye Talise

I don't like celery and I dress like a bee. Insomniac. Actress. Mainly working on perfecting the craft of acting sane.
3,428 followers |

Peter

If you believe any of this you're probably in the wrong Facebook.
3,388 followers |

Christy Ann

I like cookies.
3,225 followers |

Complain Brag

Please stop following us, all of these email notifications will wake up my dog.
3,176 followers |

Kim Lisagor

Editor. Author. AmericanDrinker.
2,804 followers |

iMelbel

Saving the world one sarcastic tweet with sprinkles on it at a time.
2,765 followers |

Robert Yasumura

Join the Team! So I can have a false sense of meaning in my life!
2,670 followers |

Jane 0751750

What you probably want from me is less context.
2,622 followers |

Trevor Walsh

My dad is comedian Brendon Walsh.
2,495 followers |

Mitch Kobriger

Humorist extraordinaire. Motto: This is America, dammit. We have earned the right to be stupid.
2,431 followers |

Rachael Kathryn

I'm not diggin' the dancin' queen :(
2,428 followers |

Trish Walsh

ex-wife of comedian Brendon Walsh
2,424 followers |

Jose

19 almost 20, asshole, pshycologist student (fucking ironic i know) Alaniss Morrisette is my mom.
2,083 followers |

Troy

{∅}
1,802 followers |

Paul Berlute-Shea

I invented the hook shot.
1,757 followers |

Sarah Wedde

Professional recluse moonlighting as a cat lady. Interests include toast, earthworms, old men in suits, and the Oxford comma.
1,542 followers |

Bryan

The Charming Asshole
1,151 followers |

The Neen

671 followers |

Mike

I don't like french toast. Deal with it.
544 followers |

Wendy

Finding my way through life with love, humor, & compassion.
386 followers |

Matt Falk

I do Comedy, Acting, Writing, and Vintage Trumpet Repair.
362 followers |

Paul Johnson

166 followers |

Tsul 'Kalu

Ego conicio silicis proinde ego sum
35 followers |

Chimp Thoughts

Lab chimp, escapee, master of human-made electronic devices, excellent tangoer, yearning for the Yucatan, professional lawn motorist (don't try this at home)
6 followers |

Curated by Larry Wentz
Submitted by listorious

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