And Then We Laugh

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Conan O'Brien

The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
5,781,036 followers |

Sockamillion

I am Jason Scott's Cat.
1,431,684 followers |

Jason Sweeney

limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.
1,145,573 followers |

Jack Gray

Producer/Writer for Anderson Cooper 360
1,012,941 followers |

Tim Siedell

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
589,986 followers |

Jesus Christ

Carpenter, Healer, God
489,246 followers |

rob delaney

Comedian,Writer, 6'3 217lbs
428,283 followers |

Darth Vader

Evil Orphan Annie™
410,776 followers |

Alec Sulkin

Breaker of Swift Mustache Hairs
394,327 followers |

Fake AP Stylebook

Style tips for proper writing. contact: fakeapstylebook at gmail dot com. No submissions, please. All material copyright The Bureau Chiefs, LLC.
287,586 followers |

Not Gary Busey

I'm the patron saint of headbutts and parody accounts.
216,409 followers |

Merlin Mann

I'm the best 17-year-old ever.
214,106 followers |

Jenny Johnson

Writer, wife, asshole and owner of 2 dogs. http://www.witstream.com/#jenny_johnson
210,127 followers |

Meeting Boy

I hate my job.
130,095 followers |

caprice crane

Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer
122,340 followers |

Pauly Casillas

Inventor of the spaghetti sandwich and Zapp from Zapp & Roger.
83,487 followers |

El Beard

World's greatest lover, warrior-poet, philosopher & mariachi.
68,542 followers |

Jelisa Castrodale

Writer for NBCSports.com, one-time Jeopardy! winner, over-caffeinated marathoner. I smell like pears.
64,692 followers |

Favstar.fm

Tip: Tell your friends to log in to Favstar once and their Favs and RTs will be collected instantly.
60,261 followers |

Eli Braden

Comedy / Music ... Heard regularly on The Howard Stern Show
44,889 followers |

Joshua Allen

cockblocking beats
43,552 followers |

Daniel Shannon

I am big. It's the character limits that got small.
43,109 followers |

Jocelyn Plums

Kiss Mommy's cold sore and make it better! http://FilthyRichmond.com
40,063 followers |

Lucky Shirt

Creator, writer, director, and producer of descriptions of myself.
37,381 followers |

Jamie Capria

The average person laughs 15 times a day... that's not nearly enough. http://favstar.fm/users/MrFornicator http://www.facebook.com/JamieCapria
36,523 followers |

Josh Hara

I'm just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.
36,388 followers |

matt

twitter user
34,333 followers |

Your Life Coaches

Being all the you that we can be so you can learn from the we that you are! THE ONLY LIFE COACHES ON TWITTER! http://www.facebook.com/LIFECOACHERS
33,852 followers |

CHEETAH POW CHICKEN

I hope my arch nemesis is as lazy as I am. Witstream contributor, dwarf tosser and matchstick flicker.
32,735 followers |

Mike Monteiro

This is a personal account and does not reflect the opinions of my boss, who is an asshole.
30,415 followers |

MJ

I'm in a band with my dog. He barks while I eat Cheetos. It's indie, you wouldn't get it. and I'm married.
29,164 followers |

Niki

I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.
28,992 followers |

Clarke Kant

I'm all for saving the world, just not necessarily the people. Now available on Witstream.com!
28,001 followers |

rodney

I'm awesome and sometimes I lie.
26,981 followers |

Jack Mackenroth

Delusional, over-exposed G-lister. NSFAnyone. Generally horrid. I just slept with your dad and it was gross.
25,735 followers |

Ashley Long

My boomerang never does what it's suppose to do.
25,132 followers |

Craig S.

McGriddle Enthusiast,Once Was Forced To Sit Through 'CATS' With Poopy Underwear. RESPECT THIS PINK TOWEL!*BEEP BOOP*
23,382 followers |

donni

Comedy sandwich. Writer, riffer, fledgling opener, openly miked. Host of TwitTalkers (http://twittalkers.com). Only wrestles sea cows seasonally.
22,578 followers |

English Whirled Wide

No selling, no pitch. Twittering to share funny English signs from around the world. Also @nishim3. Will follow back if asked (no DMs).
21,964 followers |

Jason X

You might call me a technology geek. I'm also the guy who's fucking your wife at work.
21,926 followers |

CJ Werleman

Author of 'God Hates You. Hate him Back' (Available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/God-Hates-Hate-Back-ebook/dp/B0037Z70H6/ )
21,737 followers |

Scott Simpson

Shame is sexy
21,599 followers |

Shari Vanderwerf

Stand-up comedian/writer. My husband complains that I over share on Twitter. Clearly, his hemorrhoids are just making him cranky.
19,749 followers |

Stephanie

I was born with a tail! If I had been born in India, I would have been worshiped, instead of having it cut off and scorned as a genetic freak. J/K
18,108 followers |

Jason Mustian

Hello! Do you like some things, yet dislike other things? HI! ®
17,688 followers |

Jane

I'm sorry if I offend you. For those that I don't, I will try a little harder.
17,677 followers |

Shawn Garrett

I write stuff. Sometimes it's funny. (WitStream.com) (@LIFECOACHERS) (@thefakeCNN)
16,587 followers |

Hormonella, damn it!

My body is not my temple. It's more like my bar and grill.
16,032 followers |

Bill Mc7

Writer for Ladies' Home Journal and Penthouse Forum.
15,918 followers |

ruthakers

I had kids. So you didn't have to.
15,662 followers |

Uncle Dynamite

My Cole Haan rapper name is Milkshake Suede.
15,494 followers |

Rex Huppke

A guy who writes stuff for money. Huge fan of hypocrisy. Also available on http://www.witstream.com.
14,506 followers |

lafix

Well groomed anarchist.
13,007 followers |

SlappNuttz

I'm the guy that your Mom and Dad approved of, but you still wanted to fuck.
12,632 followers |

Katrina Whipp

That's me in the corner. I kiss like a fish, but never cry like a lover.
11,929 followers |

Mark Campbell

Writer for hire. I tweet, so you don't have to. In fact, I tweet a lot. It's okay. I love you. But not as much as freezies. No siree. Now, boogie!
11,895 followers |

Beerhaze

I enjoy moccasins, beer, beaches in November, people with interesting skin disorders, beer and beer.
11,218 followers |

Brandon Guttermouth

slayer enthusiast. fang baring feral unicorn. dong merchant. auto didactic sycophant. reverse kegel instructor. purveyor of dreamsicles.
11,168 followers |

The Bosha

Get off my lawn.
10,851 followers |

Aimee B

I'm a ray of sunshine... causing cancer and starting fires.
10,796 followers |

Adam Juskewitch

Every night I steal the little gnome figurine from my neighbor's yard and replace it with a gnome that's identical but one inch taller.
10,728 followers |

Brian Soto

Writer, semi-retired amateur lawn dart player. Will sleep for food.
10,552 followers |

Emily Donahue

when i dip you dip we dip
10,539 followers |

JerryThomas

Nicer than a junk yard dog.
10,425 followers |

RoughDiction

I'm pretty exited about you reading this.
10,045 followers |

Adam Isacson

I work at the Washington Office on Latin America (my views here, not theirs). Work-related stuff at @adam_wola.
9,955 followers |

Susan

Welcome to my period tracker! Visit me on WitStream - http://www.witstream.com/#susan_grober
9,482 followers |

Josh Hopkins

father. husband. programmer. web designer. artist. geek. thinker. doer. founder of 40horse.com.
9,433 followers |

Avery Edison

Writer and comedian. No relation to the lightbulb guy. Used to be really good at math. a@averyedison.com
9,291 followers |

Robert the Brave

I'm not a comedian or a writer and I don't play one on Twitter. http://favstar.fm/users/NowAPisces http://beeftongue.tumblr.com/post/235380403/us
9,099 followers |

JD Crowe

A cartoonist should be obscene and not heard. http://www.facebook.com/CroweToons You can also follow me at @crowetoons
8,507 followers |

Theresa

I collect graduate degrees and complain about things.
8,492 followers |

Michael Pierce

I own a Professional Sports Franchise. Don't feel intimidated though, I never think of myself as better than you just because of my Fantasy Football Team.
8,174 followers |

iamnotdiddy™

Aspiring daddy blogger.
8,130 followers |

Chris

Most days all I want is a snack. http://dropdeadchris.tumblr.com/
8,088 followers |

shauna

WitStream.com member and writer for hire. Loved by my husband, animals, expletives, and gay men the world over. If you had a favorite brazen hussy, I'd be it.
7,889 followers |

Jonathan Sloan

The size of my fist is directly proportional to the object it's holding.
7,862 followers |

Ben Brooks

Comic, musician, writer, father & student. I write jokes and non-jokes. If that scares you, don't follow. http://www.witstream.com.
7,688 followers |

Dave Shumka

Comedian, writer, podcaster, kidcasting.tumblr.com curator, terrier enthusiast. My tweets do not reflect the views of CBC.
7,499 followers |

Candy Crisis

I do a really good impersonation of a Fugu fish crashing against a window at high speed.
7,495 followers |

J. Adam Moore 

Software developer and the very first humorist on Twitter. My motto: If life were a race, I'd want to beat you to death.
7,400 followers |

Doctor Zaius

Just another misanthropic orangutan from the future forced to twitter by court order to learn how 'intelligent' and 'evolved' humans are
7,380 followers |

Joe Schmitt

the second T is silent
7,308 followers |

John!

from the outermost reaches of the cosmos!
7,212 followers |

Theodora Chester

Lapsed writer, collecting distractions
7,162 followers |

Erik Kennedy

One chap, tweeting the talk of the tea rooms.
7,143 followers |

Angela Helga

I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.
7,038 followers |

The Night Stalker

Writer, actor, cotton candy vendor, night stalker and killer tomato.
6,765 followers |

Beth

You should be getting me a drink now.
6,750 followers |

Steve Huff

Created @LIFECOACHERS. Freelance writer, contributor to Observer.com & Betabeat.com. I run, sing opera & like soda. I tweet too much, don't follow me.
6,706 followers |

Space Wanker

I am not an astronaut.
6,466 followers |

ms. diagnosed

Mother, daughter, carnivore, social drunk, shit talker, flirt and procrastinator du jour
6,370 followers |

Ryan Drake

Stand-up/improv comedian, host of No Fun Intended on @TheSpyFM, podcaster, improvisor, brother, not a rapper, heroin junkie, s+m freak, mescaline addict.
6,268 followers |

blondediva11

I enjoy breathing.
6,111 followers |

suzanne

Sweet & salty with a bit of bitter & a swish of sour. A captivating tangle of contradictions, longings, complexities, & gifts--just like you.
6,104 followers |

Pauly Miller

When I grow up I want to be a carny.
6,084 followers |

SeoulBrother

Half Seoul. All Brother. Part of the AmericanDrink.net crew.
5,939 followers |

Jeni Scagnetti

In the history of language the first obscenity was silence.
5,846 followers |

Matthew Dolkart

Writer and performer of turtle jokes. See also @thefakecnn
5,802 followers |

Miss_Cook

If I fit my entire life bio into one line, I'm never gonna get that book deal. Boobies.
5,720 followers |

Stephanie

Hey, turtleface. Want a peanut? sprattacus [at] gmail
5,661 followers |

Bailey Siewert

I am very opinionated when it comes to murals.
5,599 followers |

Bort Flancrest

Not as good as I used to be.
5,547 followers |

Adrian Woodworth

Throwing semi-colons around; like a maverick.
5,354 followers |

Joel Ingersoll

I get up and I put on pants.
5,327 followers |

Norm

I'm fake BS principle on everything in life. I live in my head. I like card tricks. For entertainment purposes only.
5,261 followers |

Derek

I write because they won't let me play with the scissors anymore.
5,183 followers |

Liz T. Goddess

Corporate Middle Manager by day. Domestic Goddess by night. I tweet a lot!
5,105 followers |

Steven Murphy

Face for radio. Voice for Twitter.
4,969 followers |

Quinn Katherman

Writer. Multi-Tasking Phenomenon. Hot Mess. Ninja Unicorn. http://www.witstream.com/#quinn_katherman
4,901 followers |

nice dream

i am a terrible storyteller.
4,767 followers |

cfishing

Pink, it's what's for dinner. Current project, Wind Pissers Guide To Dominance.
4,596 followers |

passive aggressive

The drunken child of apathy and enthusiasm. Now 80% more lifelike!
4,563 followers |

Jeff Kelley

I eat a ton of chicken. My wife is a solid 10. I think aircraft carriers are neat and appreciate a good shirt tuck-in. Writer and communications man.
4,518 followers |

Wade

As seen in the audience of many 1990s talk shows.
4,340 followers |

Nick Alias Plemur

Cerebrity. plaidlemur[at]gmail.com
4,279 followers |

Jess

Retired dancer, aspiring author, new mom, all-around fucking badass. I make mischiefs and shenanigans (and babies!) with @GorillaSushi.
4,183 followers |

best girl betty

sour cream and onion glitter
4,167 followers |

❑ Remiel

Torn between health and wellness or wealth and hellness. Homeless on purpose. Also Remiel on Instagram.
4,082 followers |

derekasaurus

Your capricious attention makes me feel less dead inside.
4,031 followers |

notorious d.e.b.

Just another cute and sexy genius.
4,029 followers |

Dave

Anointed in the Gum of St. Xanthan. Faster. Stronger. Thicker. (Note: Views posted here are my own and have nothing to do with where I work.)
3,888 followers |

C.K.

Follow me at @NOT_A_ZEPPELIN
3,853 followers |

joy plaza

my only regret in life is the amount of time i've wasted gently blowing on hot soup.
3,776 followers |

♚ Lord Likely ♚

Aristocratic adventurer, gentle-man of action, lover of ladies.
3,611 followers |

Tiffany

Misunderstood Southern belle.
3,605 followers |

Lisa

I like staring out windows and things.
3,601 followers |

Alex

You think you saw me licking the salt out of the inside of a bag of potato chips? Okay, that might have been me
3,586 followers |

Samurai Hey

Say what again.
3,399 followers |

Debby B.

I have 2 kids and a husband. What's your excuse?
3,396 followers |

Miss Creant

I am a symphony of contradictions.
3,389 followers |

Peter

If you believe any of this you're probably in the wrong Facebook.
3,385 followers |

Luke in hellondon

Making orphans and single mothers feel better about their predicament for over 10 years.
3,360 followers |

haurdCider

I could have sworn I had an attic.
3,279 followers |

Corey Hinds

I like to say stuff.
3,279 followers |

Christy Ann

I like cookies.
3,224 followers |

Bouche Dag

Just a guy with some F'*$d up thoughts trying to make it through the days without jumping
3,204 followers |

poop finger

attn: midgets, religious folk, fatties, other weird fuckers & cops: i say mean things. there's yer disclaimer. fuckititude aplenty.
3,194 followers |

JonJon Brown

Writer. Nipple biter. Life coach. Avocado.
3,137 followers |

Elizabeth Oporto

i drink beer. and wear a watch.
3,117 followers |

Clay

Ziggy Stardust impersonator. Will play funerals, corporate events, bar/bat mitzvahs.
3,063 followers |

FredasaurusRex

fucking your life up 140 characters at a time.
3,031 followers |

Flaptain Oinkstar

Typoet Laureate
3,030 followers |

AngelComedian

Will you be my friend? (asking for a friend)
3,014 followers |

Pete Puma

Glory-hole whack-a-mole enthusiast. If you don't talk to me, don't expect a follow-back.
2,975 followers |

Jen Oslislo

Some commie lesbo.
2,962 followers |

Undead Cyborg

I used to make it to the Leaderboard, if you can believe it. http://favstar.fm/users/zombot/ http://brainslush.tumblr.com
2,836 followers |

John

A writer from Dallas looking for a place to hang his hat. Are YOU that hat? More at TheJohnBlog.com, or listen to me at http://bit.ly/ISoundlikeamuppet
2,832 followers |

Mikey ADHD

I AM MIKEY AND I AM 7 AND I CAN DRAW A HORSE BUT NOT WITH LEGS BECAUSE HE IS ON A SKATEBOARD.
2,779 followers |

Literally a guy

I am male.
2,717 followers |

I am not telling

wordy thought string maker
2,693 followers |

Victoria

Still riding the short bus. Laissez les bon temps rouler!
2,692 followers |

Heidi Hits Children

Animator, feline alcoholism advocate. Ate linoleum once.
2,670 followers |

Jane 0751750

What you probably want from me is less context.
2,649 followers |

John Silver

I'm not doing pushups; I'm shoving the world away. Comedian. Host of Bomb Shelter @AttackDroid & http://www.facebook.com/BombShelterComedy
2,616 followers |

Girl11

Professional Wanderer. Part-time SuperHero Part-time SuperZero. Writer. Lover of mustard.
2,579 followers |

Ryan J John

My dad told me, 'You're such a fucking comedian.' So I got a Twitter account because that's apparently what we comedians do.
2,525 followers |

richmckay

I was born, never really learned to dance properly, never got over that stage where you can freely wear capes without people questioning you, and then it's now.
2,511 followers |

John M

I've been meaning to change this; maybe tomorrow. (memo to self: include procrastination as a hobby in new bio)
2,488 followers |

@tnylgn

come back they said. tweet they said. it'll be fun they said.
2,464 followers |

Hero of Bostonia

Bravely overcoming life’s minor speed bumps in the face of mild hypoglycemia. I am the Lance Corporal of my fate.
2,368 followers |

Terrence of Arabia

Just trying to figure out a way all the voices in my head can sing together on key. Occasionally they write shit down, and I try to sell it.
2,342 followers |

Shmólly Schmülz

The human condition, personified.
2,316 followers |

S. Anthony Thomas

Comedian. Work in perpetual progress.
2,266 followers |

Toya

If you would like to buy the girl in my avatar a drink, please get in line.
2,254 followers |

Lainey Diamond

major buzzkill
2,242 followers |

pierced brat ©

degradable.
2,237 followers |

Formerly MaxHoopla

Was voted funniest comedian in a scientific poll among the raccoons living in my attic.
2,228 followers |

Rowan Pettett

I thought I was marching to the beat of a different drum, but apparently it was just the guy next door having a gunfight with the cops.
2,191 followers |

Crab

Stronger than ativan and more powerful than chocolate. Send me an email at google - BlueCrabsEmail
2,165 followers |

ihatemytv

This place smells like vomit
2,107 followers |

Julie

She was an American girl, raised on promises.
2,086 followers |

amoir / Amy Gray

Writer. Enjoys butter on a more sophisticated level than you. I dream of giant squid sashimi and sentient gyoza. I wake frightened. And just a little hungry.
2,074 followers |

Barrett Chase

Neckbeardist, bon vivant, gentleman of leisure, quiet storm tweeter, type-B personality, worst pen pal ever.
2,059 followers |

Jason

I AM ROCK AND ROLL
2,021 followers |

Drew (Not a Guy) H

...and then before I knew it I had awesome all over me. I'm never going to get this out.
1,996 followers |

Chris

produced in a factory containing traces of nuts.
1,963 followers |

Steven Bonisteel

Internet idiot savant (but without the 'savant' part). LEGAL DISCLAIMER: My avatar shows *none* of my gray hairs.
1,963 followers |

amuirin

chortling moonbat
1,958 followers |

rsmallbone

Carnival barker, jingle singer, and neurosurgeon.
1,905 followers |

Emily, Your Queen

Zooey Deschanel and Lindsay Lohan's lovechild. I love sparkles, hearts, happiness and vodka.
1,886 followers |

Ryan

If I had another brain it would be lonely.
1,882 followers |

Josh S

http://favstar.fm/users/jorshuwah
1,864 followers |

Parasite Hilton

Lord of idiots.
1,860 followers |

Bunk Bedfellow

purveyor of used books and poppycock.
1,855 followers |

Zino Macaluso

Wow. Your baby is really ugly.
1,834 followers |

Em

My style is kinda fat, reminiscent of a whale.
1,830 followers |

Troy

{∅}
1,800 followers |

Lil Blobert

Photo to scale
1,798 followers |

Patrick Kerr

Vegas showboy. One time Noel on FRASIER and the blind guy on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. Left-handed politics. Palmer method.
1,756 followers |

Jim

Writer, thinker, pretty much enjoys airports strip searches, can't wait for his next prostate exam, honest bullshitter, writes books and feeds them to goats
1,752 followers |

Hey, it's Alan!

High-minded, yet low brow.
1,741 followers |

obxlaw

the curmudgeon at law. Also, get off my lawn. Taxes, tags and title excluded. Your mileage may vary.
1,712 followers |

Jon LaFrance

I like Zombie movies and long walks on the beach.
1,705 followers |

Johnny F. Chimpo

I'm 6'9 & my penis is 15 inches. I'm a Rapper, Producer & Life Coach. I drive a murder black Lambo. But everyone lies so this shouldn't be new to you. FUCKLULZ!
1,690 followers |

Fresno Arbios

Can't talk. Eating.
1,677 followers |

Frieda Club

No kidding, your mother must be a very interesting person.
1,654 followers |

Josh

Vitiosus. Fictive strophic. I make music because I hate it.
1,652 followers |

Morgan

Please to put back in tomb.
1,565 followers |

Glen

I am bearded, vegetarian, and wear many hats.
1,555 followers |

Darrin Blankenship

Live from the Champagne Room.
1,545 followers |

Mrs Joshua Homme

South African living in the UK, but looking for my own island. I love rock music. And cake. And whisky. And vodka. And Nutella.
1,525 followers |

Bean

Just a girl. Yes, I know my shoe is untied.
1,509 followers |

Tony

Universally Accepted Everywhere (except on favstar.fm) Living the dream. Please don't wake me, unless it's amusing, important, or TFF to keep to yourself.
1,509 followers |

Hoptical Illusion

I have no excuse for the way I'm about to behave.
1,493 followers |

metaforth

Got an A in reverse psychology. I think that's an F in regular psychology.
1,470 followers |

Jeannie B

Artist, Mom of 3, Easily amused (obviously). I follow funny people in the hopes of becoming one when I grow up.
1,463 followers |

Indé Fjölnir

And now i'll close my eyes really, really tight and make you all go away.
1,462 followers |

Dear No One

I'm fucking bananas, like desperate woman.
1,456 followers |

Robbo

I am a difficult sort of person.
1,408 followers |

Simon Tarr

I make things, then write and talk about them. I am aware that this is probably a scam.
1,401 followers |

Non Sequiturific

1,375 followers |

Girl Sans Pants

antichrist with a slit
1,363 followers |

Saul Young

Two of my best friends are basset hounds, the rest I owe money to. I drive a 1987 Lincoln, play music on a 40 year-old jukebox, and sweep with a corn broom.
1,302 followers |

Dilligaf

Imaginary friends are way more fun.
1,286 followers |

Beersuds

Comedian Bryan Rakestraw. I’m the guy who put piranhas in Dawson’s Creek...
1,285 followers |

Magnus

May impair your ability to operate machinery. If you believe that my tweets reflects my real life, you're prolly an idiot.
1,279 followers |

Rick

Lover of hockey, classic rock & 'real metal.' (not that death screaming crap) Rebel. Twitter black sheep. Favstar outcast. http://favstar.fm/users/Capsaholic
1,266 followers |

Mike the Bike

Motorcyclist. Yoga fucker.
1,264 followers |

Freakdad

Italian water drinker. With panache. I love movies more than you.
1,241 followers |

Vicky_Greece

All I ever asked was an easy life, a good job, lots of money, a hot boyfriend, beauty, brightness, glory, a private jet, a private island...
1,230 followers |

sammy starfish

Being an asshole means never having to say you're sorry.
1,228 followers |

Che Volay

Twittering original Tweets, Adventurer, Salacious Bonhomous Recalcitrant & Philosopher
1,222 followers |

androo carey

I came, I saw, I conch-herd.
1,220 followers |

Ophelia

schmaa
1,188 followers |

Grogulous

The fact that we capitalize I explains everything you need to know about the human race.
1,188 followers |

Maritza

If you had a million monkeys typing on a million typewriters eventually you'd have... Oh wait, that's us.
1,145 followers |

Ybt

Social Media, police, academia, occasional unintended humor. Plays well with others.
1,144 followers |

Comebackrick

Only the sarcastic survive.
1,113 followers |

Alex

Still not getting my facts right on the internets.
1,055 followers |

Carlo Hartelucci

say hello to my little friend
1,054 followers |

Dave

Indecisive, lacking in will-power.
1,010 followers |

Petherwin

We are disconnected beings floundering in a void, like crabs sinking in bottomless custard.
1,007 followers |

Angry Old Coot

Just a shotgun and a rocking chair between me and the hoosgow.
999 followers |

ACE in your hole

I'm just a girl who happens to be a bitchy, offensive, sarcastic jackass.
986 followers |

Killerwit

From the ass to the pussy then back down the throat
912 followers |

KnowShit™

Contrary to previous assertions I've made, there is shame in my game.
908 followers |

Kirsten's Desk

We'll get along fine, as long as you don't come between me and my coffee.
868 followers |

Sean

Occasional writer, novice librarian, erstwhile mathematician and voracious reader.
820 followers |

David

Inside the mind of an online alter ego...
811 followers |

Small Chick

Just a quirky girl who is trying to get her funny on.
779 followers |

itsDOUCET

wannabe rapper+adhd poster child.
771 followers |

J-SIN

vsbdhkdjdjnndndbnkd
767 followers |

Blue Dream

smokin and tweetin on the reg
743 followers |

Bob Donald

Serial Entreprenuer, Nonconformist, Life Failure
743 followers |

Grove Vee

World wide douche fighter
736 followers |

A.V. Phibes

Dicking around is both my profession and my lifestyle choice. Which is to say that I'm a professional artist.
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Kevin

Cynical optimist.
703 followers |

reverendross

Some guy.
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LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY DELICIOUS GODDAMN SANDWICH IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL
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General Misdemeanor

Sometimes I sit and think, sometimes I just sit.
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Michelle Brandfass

the life of a comedian: not much of a future, but a hell of a past
650 followers |

Caleb Krause

Founder and Editor in Chief of http://alreadygorgeous.com/
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doitforchris

I'm the guy your mom warned you about, but then realized she was thinking of somebody else. http://favstar.fm/users/doitforchris
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Tucksy Plexar

I'm primed, charged, and ready to explode and wallpaper this place in organs.
593 followers |

Mike Hawk

logical warfare
583 followers |

Phil Smith

The wind changed, and now my face is stuck like this.
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Chris

Part earthling, part Druid, specializing in Vatican hat ware.
571 followers |

Trevor Fitzright

I've just updated my bio. It's still crap.
550 followers |

Jeff Cooper

Over educated and perpetually immature. Also, a dentist.
527 followers |

Ezequiel Ferreras

1989 - Present
495 followers |

Nevin Crain

On the verge. Sarcastic inspirational contradictions for business, life and entertainment.
472 followers |

KarmaChameleonK

462 followers |

Brazilla George

451 followers |

Not Not Chris

Married. Doesn't believe in umbrellas. Not really a fan of ice cream.
443 followers |

rhymes with hazel

Designer, Mom, Goofball http://favstar.fm/users/raiselm
437 followers |

Millena

Sports/Marketing - Sponsorship/Promotions. Promoting nuthin but miscellaneous, superfluous bullshit here on Twitter.
435 followers |

Jim McCormick

What's a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper havin' a seizure on your boat?
434 followers |

Kellan Standley

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
413 followers |

Matt Shuck

not a fan of bumper stickers
409 followers |

Steven Clark

Take me as I am; love me like I was someone you could actually love. If you don't know how to love, I can teach you. I CAN TEACH YOU TO LOOOOVE!
399 followers |

Harry Nipples

You'd think it would be easy to come up with one line without sounding crazy or full of myself.
371 followers |

StereoForBrains

I have a stereo for a brain. Turns out life is better with a soundtrack. Feel free to fiddle with my antenna and dials. Also, I write stuff.
370 followers |

Molly Puds

Other people may be sexy and fun, but to that I play my spinning hedgehog trap card.
322 followers |

Yococomo

A skinny kid from the ghettos of Long Beach when producer Dr. Dre made me a star...wait, wha??
307 followers |

Leo Ash

I'm usually wrong so don't take me serious.
305 followers |

John the Junior

Partaking in the miracle of flight. Involuntarily born again as a duck.
284 followers |

Bob

Burrito aficionado. Aspiring Jedi, but mostly because I'm too lazy to change the TV without the remote.
255 followers |

Gary McDonald

Self-serving, red-headed, freckled, bespectacled nerd.
240 followers |

Benjamin Forrest

I am the boy anachronism, since 1979. Opinions expressed are my own, especially the ones you don't like.
235 followers |

Ash

I am trying to evolve.
224 followers |

Stanley

I will eat anything with a hole in it.
208 followers |

Ummmm No

Hey! It was funny in my head...
201 followers |

E

190 followers |

Joshua Sloan

Why can we use more words in our biography than in our actual tweets?
189 followers |

B-Cam

Trying to be a better person; failing.
188 followers |

Amber

Slacker who rarely finishes anything she sta
187 followers |

John Sperm

178 followers |

Riffles

Writer, fool. Profane prophet, asinine asshole. Welcome to my world of delicious dichotomies.
178 followers |

GotBacchus?

tiny life in a big city fueled by coffee and cacophony
116 followers |

Terrorism McOrifice

Realize your cognitive dissonances - the Hair-minstrels of Hamstertown are pining over you.
82 followers |

Curated by Joanell
Submitted by TrainedHedonist

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